


Those Who Stand The Tallest (Break The Hardest)

by BlueEyedBastard



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 16:13:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4528602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueEyedBastard/pseuds/BlueEyedBastard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke had left. He didn't resent her nor did he blame her. Others did. But not him. He didn't have the time with his new responsibilities that were thrust on him in the aftermath of the battle. But even the strongest of leaders can only take so much before they snap. He knew that, she had left for the same reason didn't she? And she was hell of a lot stronger than him.</p>
<p>or</p>
<p>The one where Bellamy finally breaks down about Clarke's leaving but he make sure he doesn't go down alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Those Who Stand The Tallest (Break The Hardest)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone. This is just something that popped into my head after re-watching the season 2 finale and listening to Knocking on Heaven's Door by Raign. Not proofread so all mistakes are mine. Enjoy.

He downed the drink in one motion before placing the cup back on the table. Sighing, he set himself down in the chair, groaning as the pain flared up in his legs at the motion. Once seated, he leaned back and let his head hang back. A tired sigh escaped him as he ran his hand over his face, stopping to dig his fingers into his temples. It had been a long day of talks and negotiations with the various leaders of the clans that had stayed apart of the treaty. While none of the Sky People were particularly happy with any of the Grounders after the Battle of Mount Weather, as the various storytellers had called it, everyone recognized the value in staying allies. Winter was coming and Camp Jaha was ill equipped to deal with it. In return for Winter supplies, the Sky People would share their advanced knowledge and resources with the willing members of the Grounders. Unfortunately, the task of negotiating all of this fell to Bellamy. 

He didn't volunteer for it, that’s for damn sure. After they had made their way back to Camp Jaha, after he said good-bye... Bellamy just wanted to rest. Ever since he and the Hundred had landed on The Ground it had been a shitshow and Bellamy for one was definitely in the mood for a break. A voice in the back of his mind was giving him shit for being so weak and soft but he ignored it. 

He knew that it was wrong for him to complain when the truth was that he had taken a leadership role for The Hundred back when they first landed, knowing full well that it would be permanent. And given the fact that Kane and the rest of The Council members could have made a completely viable case to execute or imprison him but chose not to, he knew he shouldn't complain. 

And yet, he still felt it unfair. His entire life had been revolved around others. Keeping watch over his sister, being a leader for The Hundred, risking his life in Mount Weather. Granted, he didn't regret doing any of these actions but the fact remained that he couldn't remember the last time he did something that was entirely for his own interest or pleasure. He poured himself another drink of the Grounder version of alcohol that Octavia had won in one of the tournament fights that were apparently a part of the Grounder culture. Much stronger than anything he had ever had on the Ark, his face screwed up as the burning liquid slid down his throat. 

The glass slammed down on the table again with much more force this time, though that went unnoticed by  
Bellamy. He leaned his head back again and felt the buzz from the alcohol and fatigue from the last few weeks begin to make his eyes heavy. He was just about to slip under the comfort of unconsciousness when he felt a hand grip his arm. Instantly awake, he grabbed the intruder by the front of their shirt while his foot slipped behind their leg. In one motion, he sent them both tumbling to the ground and had his fist raised in the air ready to strike... Monty. 

The two stared at each other for a second before Monty broke the silence. 

"Hello to you too." Bellamy sighed and rose to his feet, offering his hand to the boy under him and pulling him up as well. 'Sorry Monty I just thought that..." he trailed off before sighing once more. "Sorry." he finished quietly. 

"S'alright man. You doing alright?" 

"Yeah just a little on edge I guess. Anyways, what's up?" 

"Kane wants you to go see Abby and giver her the update on the medical supplies that you got during the negotiations. He didn't say right now but I think it would be wise for you to do it sooner rather than later." 

"Alright I'll go soon. Thanks Monty." 

"No problem. Besides, it looks like you need to go see Abby anyways." 

"What?" Bellamy shot a confused look at Monty who nodded towards his hand. Looking down, he saw that most of his hand was red with blood and he brought it closer to his eyes to inspect it. He looked from his hand to Monty and then to the table where he noticed the broken glass cup stain of blood that decorated the table for the first time. 

"Are you okay?" Bellamy dropped his hand and saw Monty's concerned expression. Sighing for what must have been the thousandth time that day, he nodded. "I'm fine Monty. I'll go see Abby now so you can tell Kane that it's done. Thanks again." Stepping past the boy, Bellamy exited the tent and made his way over to the makeshift medical area of Camp Jaha. Seeing was it was night, there were only a few people that he ran into, giving polite nods and curt greetings. He wasn't exactly in the mood to deal with anyone at the moment. 

He walked into where Abby usually worked from and located the woman. She was currently tending to a Grounder patient so he quietly stood off to the side and waited. It wasn't uncommon to see a Grounder at Camp Jaha, particularly at their Medical Services. In the month and a half since the Battle of Mount Weather, the two people had slowly begun to interact more freely with each other, especially where injuries were involved. 

Many had been hesitant to allow interaction with the Grounders after Lexa had left Clarke and her people both at and inside the Mountain. Kane had made a case of their survival and how they needed the aid and knowledge of the Ground from those that had left them. Eventually people saw the sense in their Leader's words and had agreed to try and interact with the group. 

"Alright you're good to go." 

"Thank you doctor Griffin." 

"Please call me Abby." 

Bellamy watched the warm interaction between the two until Abby noticed him. She gestured him over to one of the beds she had at her disposal and he moved to sit up on it. The movement caused him to remember an incident from when he was younger where he had been sent to see the then 'Dr. Griffin' for an annual check-up. Surprised, it suddenly hit him that this was the first time he had ever seen Clarke. 

"Bellamy?" Abby's voiced pierced through the memory and Bellamy shook his head, ridding himself of the unpleasant feeling the memory had brought on. "Yeah sorry. If you could wrap up my hand-" he presented his hand to her and wiggled his fingers, flinching at the pain it caused him. "-that would be great. I also have an update from the Grounders." 

"Let me see that hand and you can tell me about while I work." Bellamy nodded and waited until Abby had gathered all the supplies she would need before speaking. "I spoke with the various clan Leaders and their Healers and they agreed to let you visit their villages and study their methods and different herbs and whatever available to them. They say that you can bring one assistant with you. No doubt Kane will want an armed escort with you so we'll have to work that out. But everything should be good to go for you by next week. Anything you want me to address tomorrow when we continue the discussion?" 

"Hmm....no that should be fine. Thank you, Bellamy." 

"No thank you Mrs. Grif- Abby," responded Bellamy while he looked at his newly bandaged hand. Abby simply gave him a tight lipped smile. "You're good to go now. But Bellamy-'' he frowned at the tone in her voice. "-take care of yourself. Don't push yourself too far with this negotiating business. There are others, people better suited who should and would step up and handle it. I'm sorry I haven't been able to. Not since..." the woman trailed off and Bellamy moved to put a hand on her shoulder. He gave it a comforting squeeze. 

"I'm okay Abby. And we both know that the best position suited for this isn't here so I got to step up. And don't blame yourself, no one else does. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is for you." 'Liar' he thought to himself. "Just focus on helping people and helping yourself. I got the rest." The woman smiled at him, a tear in her eye. 

"I miss her. Most nights I find myself just going over her sketchbook that she had. I always keep it on my desk and just look through it. I hope she's okay."  
Bellamy gave her a small smile. "Clarke is a tough girl. Toughest and bravest of any of us down here. She's fine." 

"Thank you Bellamy." Abby pulled the slightly startled boy into a brief hug before stepping back. "Well have a good night Bellamy. Just shut the lights off when you go out." Bellamy watched her leave. His conversation with the woman, while he appeared friendly had left angry, angrier than he should have been. He turned to leave when he stopped. Almost without thinking, he walked into the back room that was curtained off, signifying it as Abby's private workspace. He located a small black book on the desk and stashed it in his pocket without a second thought. 

*** 

It was an hour later when Octavia walked into her tent, scowl firmly etched onto her face at her brother's appearance. He was passed out in the same chair that Monty found him before. If Octavia were to check the casket she had won, it would be much lighter than it had been the night before when she had first opened it. She noticed an open book on her brother's lap and bent to retrieve it. Flipping through the pages, her features softened as she realized what exactly it was. 

She looked over her brother once more and saw the tired expression he had even when sleeping. His eyes still held the dark circles under them and she swore that she could see the tiniest bit of evidence that he had been crying. She instantly regretted her earlier annoyance with her older sibling as she put the pieces together of what had led to him passed out, most likely drunk she decided as she leaned in closer and could smell the scent, in the chair. She continued to flip through the book silently, her gaze lingering on each drawing before moving on. Eventually, her anger had returned seemingly tenfold as she remembered who this book belonged to and what exactly they had done. She tossed the book down on the table and nudged her brother. He only groaned in response so she added more force, turning that nudge into a kick. 

"Bellamy. Wake up!" 

She saw his head come up and turn left then right as he tried to gather his bearings. She thought he heard him mutter the word "Lexa" but it was so slurred that she couldn't be sure. Though the girl couldn’t blame him if he had confused her for the Grounder Commander in his disoriented state. Her hair, attire and specifically the black eye-paint that Octavia had decided to permanently wear did make her appear much like Lexa. It did nothing to soften Octavia's mood however. 

"Get up Bell, Lexa requests your presence. And by requests, she meant demands so get going."  
Bellamy now rose to shaky feet and glared at his sister. "And what? You're her errand girl now? I suppose it would be fitting." Octavia stiffened in response and had to fight the urge to slap her brother. "She asked to see you and I said I would send the message because you're my brother and I rarely get to see you as of late." She looked him up and down. "Seeing how you are now though, it might be better if I keep my distance. Someone can't handle negotiating it looks like." 

"Yeah well believe me I don't want to be the one. But since the person best suited for the job left, no small part because of your goddamn Commander, I've been stuck with it. Sure you could of done it, but Kane advised against that since we would just be sending a Grounder to negotiate for us." 

"Watch how you speak of Lexa. She's a strong leader who had to make tough choices but still a leader and someone you will treat with respect. Don't hate her because Clarke was too weak to deal with her actions." Octavia knew she had gone too far when she the look of pure anger on her brother's face. While Octavia was still angry at Clarke for her actions leading up to the missile crisis, she did understand why she had left, and didn't blame her for it. 

"Clarke saved everyone of our friends. You don't call them your people anymore but they are still mine. Clarke is a god damn hero who has had to deal with much more bullshit than any of us have. I will not treat the person who abandoned us and left my friends to die in that goddamn mountain with respect when you show so little for someone as deserving of it as Clarke." He shouldered his way past his sister who tried to stop him. "Bellamy!  
Bellamy will you just-" 

"Don't worry. I'm on my way to go see your Commander. I was going to ask you to tell her to respectfully fuck off but I'd rather do it myself. Excuse me." Octavia was left standing in her tent, her thoughts racing at a mile a minute. She went to pour herself a much needed glass of the dark liquid when she paused.  
Clarke's sketchbook was gone. 

*** 

"Bellamy, there you are." 

The woman intercepted Bellamy by stepping in front of his path, smile on her face and her eyes bright. Bellamy didn't return either and Echo instantly sensed that something was bothering him. 

"Your sister said she was going to get you and I wanted to see you. With you being in the negotiations and all there hasn't been much time for..." She was going to say us but stopped herself. She wasn't entirely sure if they were classified as that. They had spent a lot of time together after what happened at the Mountain and they each felt an unmistakable attraction to the other but he had never said anything and she had never asked. Both were content to enjoy their time together without labeling it as anything. 

"Yeah sorry about that. I've been real busy, like I am now." He pushed past her and her hand shot out and gripped his arm lightly, halting his retreat. "Well do you have a moment or two? Surely the Commander can wait? I mean she's been seeing you all day." Hearing the title brought on a new wave of anger and he roughly shook himself out of her grasp. 

"She can't." Bellamy began to walk again when Echo called him back. "Bellamy! Look I don't know what's bothering you but I don't appreciate how you're treating me." The pang of guilt that he felt at the hurt in her voice was quickly overpowered by his anger. "Look. I don't want to upset you further and it would be best if you just let me go. Please." 

It came out much harsher than he had intended but he put that aside for the moment since it worked. It wasn't long before he got to what he knew to be the Commander's tent. As per usual, her two guards who were always standing present stopped him from entering. "Wait here while I inform the-" 

"She'll see me now. She called me after all." Bellamy made to shoulder his way past the guard who placed his hand on his shouldering and tightened his grip. "You will wait" he states before shoving the Sky Person back. This only spurred Bellamy's anger on further and again steppes forward, ready to force his way into the tent if need be. The two guards both reached for their swords and had them half out of their sheath when a voice from inside had stopped them. 

"Enough!" Bellamy recognized the powerful voice as Lexa's. "He is allowed to enter. Let him pass." He entered the tent and came to stand in front of the Commander. She was sitting in her Throne, posture relaxed but her eyes intense. Her piercing green eyes seemed to blaze more intently when surrounded by the dark war paint. She was as controlled as ever. He hated her for it. She had sat through the same meetings, dealt with the same people and had much more to worry about than Bellamy ever would. And yet she looks as composed as ever. 

"You sent for me? What do you want?" 

Silence. His anger blazed and his eyes grew wide. His fists began to shake from their position at his sides and he was sure she and Indra (who he had just noticed standing off to the side) could hear his ragged breathing.  
He was used to being in charge. If he had stood like this on front of the Hundred when they first landed, most of them would have been scared half to death and done his every bidding. Even now many of the people at Camp Jaha looked to and obeyed him. But here, standing at his full height in complete anger in front of this girl on her throne and her guard, he had never felt so small. That did nothing for his stubbornness however. 

"Well. What the hell do you want with me you goddamn-" 

"You will hold your tongue and show respect to the Commander!" 

"I would sooner show respect to the Mountain Men. At least you could trust them to keep their words."  
Indra stepped forward with her blade already drawn, a language that Bellamy couldn't begin to translate flowing  
from her lips as she made her way to punish Bellamy. 

"Indra, enough!" At once, the dark skinned woman had stopped moving forward though her sword was still ready for a killing blow and her eyes were still alight with outrage. "Leave us." The command was quiet but forceful and with some hesitation, it was obeyed. 

Bellamy didn't bother to watch the woman leave. His eyes remained focused on Lexa who had stood up and was now sitting once again on her throne, calm and infuriating as ever. "It would be wise if you were to keep your disrespect at a minimum in the presence of my guards." 

Now it was Lexa's turn to be faced with silence. "It has come to my attention that you are uneasy after negotiations. Is there something you are displeased with?" Bellamy was caught off guard by the question. He had expected... well he wasn't exactly sure what Lexa had wanted with him when Octavia had fetched him but this wasn't it. When he had his glare back on his face, he responded. 

"The negotiations are going fine." A pause. "It's only spending the long hours in the company of some that is making me on edge." 

At this, a slight Frown crossed Lexa's face. "Which one of the Leader's has mistreated you. I had made it clear to them that they are to treat your representatives with res-" 

"They weren't who I was talking about." Another pause. "Commander." Lexa clearly caught the obvious tone in the man's voice and her back stiffened. "I have tolerated your disrespect once already, once more than you deserve. Again, it would be wise to-" but Bellamy wasn't hearing it. He wasn't sure if it was the pounding in his head or the way his blood was boiling or the fact that he just wanted to wipe that god damn look off of her face but he snapped. "And you think you're so deserving of my respect? Of anyone's respect? Heda" he mocked. "The Great Commander. The United of the 12 Clans! The saviour of her people! I've heard the stories and songs your bards are singing of how you will go down in Grounder history as one of the most honourable Commanders! It's all a lie! Just like you!" 

Lexa's eyes flashed in anger and she gripped the arm of her throne tightly. Her voice was as cold as her eyes as she spoke. "You will be careful of how you speak Bellamy Blake. I had no part in the tales and songs. All of what they are saying is true. I did get my people out of that mountain and brought them back to their families." 

"And you betrayed my people in doing so. You betrayed Clarke." Her name alone seemed to stun the girl as if he had slapped her. "I told Clarke that my people came first. Victory stands on the back of sacrifice, she understood what I did." 

"Victory stands on the back of sacrifice?" He echoed, his voice halfway between laughing and snarling at the green eyed Commander. "Maya's victory came from sacrifice. Raven's victory came from sacrifice. Abby's victory came from a sacrifice. Yours came from a betrayal." He spat the words out as if they were poison.  
Lexa was standing now too though she said no words. Bellamy could see the anger in her eyes. "How dare you! I had sacrificed something as well. Something I held very dear to me!" 

"Yeah. Her name was Clarke. And she meant more to any of us than she did to you. She was better, stronger than any of us. And because of you, she's broken. She snapped. And now she's gone all because you're too much of a coward. A coward who turned her back on someone who cared more for you than anyone else." 

"She did not. She-" Lexa watched in silence as Bellamy produced a book from inside his jacket. "What is that?" She asked, her anger momentarily replaced by curiosity. Bellamy said nothing. Instead, he opened the book and began to flip through the pages. When he found the one he wanted, he tossed it to the ground at Lexa's feet. Slowly, she bent down and grabbed the book, her eyes never left Bellamy's accusing stare until she looked at the picture. 

Her breath caught in her throat and her legs suddenly felt weak. A trembling hand came up to stroke the drawing - the drawing of her. She traced her jaw and then her eyes, taking in the skill and gracefulness of Clarke's drawing. A wave of emotions suddenly washed over The Commander. A single tear fell onto the page and she snapped the book shut, blocking out the moment of weakness that she had allowed to show. She threw the book in the direction of Bellamy who was standing still, watching the girl with sad eyes. 

"Get out." She muttered quietly. She turned away from him, refusing to look at the man who had caused her mask to slip. When he spoke, she was surprised at the sadness in his voice. "You weren't the only one who cared for her. Not even close." And with that, he left the tent. 

*** 

He was back at Mount Weather. All around him were the bodies of the Mountain Men, all probe and lifeless on the ground. He had begun to walk through them without his meaning to, almost as if something else was controlling him. He tried to fight it but it was useless. 

A wave of darkness suddenly ensnared him and when he could see again, he was back at Camp Jaha. Only this time, it was the same image. The bodies of everyone he knew, the remaining survivors of the Hundred as well as those who had lived through the crashing of the Ark. They were arranged the same way as the Mountain Men. All just as lifeless. As he was walking through the bodies this time, someone appeared before him. A beacon of light surrounded the newcomer and he had to cover his eyes. When the light faded, the person came into his vision slowly. 

First he saw the hair. The beautiful golden hair that shone as brilliantly as the sun. He had a hope that this was the girl he had thought of every night since she had left but he wasn't sure, he wouldn't let himself be fooled.  
Until he saw her eyes. He stared into her soft blue eyes that shone brilliantly as she looked at him. The bodies and the death were forgotten as he found himself lost in the beauty of the person in front of him. Of the kindness in her eyes. 

"Bellamy," she whispered. Her hand came up to rest on the side of his face and he found himself pushing into her soft skin, craving the warm feeling of security that was this girl. He opened his eyes and that warn feeling fell away. The once kind eyes were now filled with a mix of sadness and anger. Her skin now felt cold and the Ray of light that was behind her fell away. 

"They were your responsibility. And you failed them." Her hand fell away from him and she turned and began to walk away. He tried to chase after her but he was held back. Hundreds of hands were grabbing his leg and holding him in place. Preventing him from chasing the girl and stopping her from leaving. She vanished as a lonely wind came upon him and then the hands were pulling him down. He tried to scream but he was drowned out by the words echoing in his head. 

"They were your responsibility. And you failed them." 

He bolted up to a sitting position. His body was full of sweat and his breath came in ragged gasps. He looked frantically around the room, trying to decipher if he was still trapped in his nightmare or not. His hand brushed against the leather cover of a book and his eyes fell to it. 

Slowly, as if handling it would cause it to turn to dust, he picked the book up and held it in front of him. He just stared at it until his breathing was once again under control. And then it got blurry. His vision blurred and he felt a single tear slide down his cheek, fighting its way through the grind that had formed on his skin. He was powerless to stop the flow of emotion as his shoulders started to shake in silent sobs. He brought the book to his chest and held it over his heart as he broke down for the first time since she left. 

"Clarke" he whispered softly to the darkness. "I need you. Please come home." He laid down, crying softly to himself and still clutching the book to his chest. "Please" he whispered once more.  
He fell asleep hours later from exhaustion. His tears had dried but the sadness still made his heart heavy. Her name was the last thing to leave his lips as sleep overtook him, but still she lingered in his mind. Just like every other day until he saw her again.

**Author's Note:**

> Not my best work but not my worst either. Wasn't entirely happy with the ending but I had wrote out three or four and this one was my favourite of them. I just really wanted to get this one written and posted. I've had bit of a writer's block so I wanted this out as soon as possible, hence the (maybe?) unsatisfying ending or just mistakes and poor writing. Reviews are always nice. As always don't hold back with those and if you enjoyed the story, please give it kudos those really help and yeah, have a nice day.
> 
> B.E.B


End file.
